Scenes of Life
by Zentrodie
Summary: The Government comes for Gendo, Asuka plays a joke, Shinji tries to get some help, and more
1. Default Chapter

Standard Disclaimer  
  
As you have read by countless people before, I am a poor writer that has no ties to any anime company what so ever. Boy doesn't that get boring? Disclaimer this I don't own that, sheesh enough to make you WANT to claim you have ownership as nobody cares.  
  
You reading this? Doubt it :)  
  
This is a bunch of hopefully humorous ideas I came up with, not enough for a full blown fic in their own right but hopefully enough to make ya laugh a little.  
  
Some are small, some are larger, some make no sense to anybody but me and my prereaders.and as this was really just a time waster for me as my msts get scanned over, don't expect a lot of work keeping the grammar at its best.  
  
------------------------------------  
  
What Really Caused Rei to Lose Her Emotions  
  
Christmas Eva 2007, the late of night was setting and quiet had eased over Tokyo-3. Gendo slowly entered his shared domicile. He was having a bad day. He had a VERY long day at Nerv and on top of that he got a card from his son.  
  
"Why the hell does that boy even bother? I thought shipping him off would toughen him up.he's still a pansy!" he said as he ripped the young child's card and threw it into a trash bin as he entered.  
  
His outburst drew the attention of his own charge, Ayanami Rei, out of her room and into the living room.  
  
In a chipper and energetic voice Rei squealed, "It's Christmas EVE can we open the presents now?"  
  
And that was the other thing he was having troubles with, an over active, highly energetic copy of his dead wife. 'Why did I insist on her living with me while she was young again?'  
  
Only wanting to pass out he replied, "No Rei-chan you have to wait, and no more begging please."  
  
Jumping on the man's lap and pouting, "But I want to open them now!"  
  
"In the morning now go bed, you shouldn't even be up this late!"  
  
The young child pointed to a stand that hosted a glass of milk and cookies. "I had to leave Santa his milk and cookies didn't I? You told tell me I had to leave them or he would get hungry."  
  
'She STILL believes in a big fat gift giver, maybe I should have used Akagi's DNA.' Slowly pushing the ecstatic child off his lap he put his hands on her shoulders. "Rei.I have to tell you something."  
  
Smiling lightly at her infallible father figure, "Yes? Are you going to tell me I can open my presents?"  
  
"No, I'm going to tell you. Santa Clause is a made up person that is used to sell more crap to children. It's all fake, all of it. Now go to bed."  
  
The girl ran from the room crying. After he heard the door slam he smiled, "That solves that problem."  
  
Devastated, Rei went to her room. She was a mess of tears. 'If.if it's all fake.what is their to believe in? Nothing!' With a sudden sense of grief, "I'll never believe in anything ever again, and.I won't feel about anything either! It just hurts!"  
  
So the death of her believe in Santa sucked her soul.  
  
---------------------------  
  
The Fall  
  
Shinji was unsure of what to do. He had not only seen Rei nude, but fell on her. All he could do was watch her back as they descended the escalator. 'I should say something.apologize or something.'  
  
In his natural voice, "Um.I.Ayanami."  
  
But Rei wasn't well versed in broken-ese so she remained silent.  
  
Trying in her native language, "Ayanami.I heard your test with Unit-00 is today, aren't you scared?"  
  
Looking forward, "You are Commander Ikari's son are you not, don't you have faith in your fathers work?"  
  
Shinji couldn't help himself as he looked at his feet and muttered, "How could I have faith in a bastard father like him."  
  
To his shock Rei turned to face him, then she slapped him. He was left looking in her red eyes. 'Well didn't expect that.'  
  
Shocked he asked, "What you do that for?"  
  
Still facing him, "You do not show your father the proper respect for your father, I would."  
  
Although he was paying the girl rapt attention, it was the most he'd heard her speak, he tried to interrupt her, "Ayanami you should."  
  
Rei was not going to listen to him until she said her piece. ".Think better of his." Suddenly she felt her feet stop moving and her head falling backward. Instinctively she grasped out for whatever she could in order to break her decent.and that was Shinji. Despite seeing what he did, he wasn't expecting her to grab and pull his hand so hard so instead of keeping her up, he toppled over with her.  
  
Looking down into Rei's eyes for the second time today he couldn't help but think, 'Familiar ceiling.'  
  
"Are you going to make it a habit of falling on me?"  
  
To his credit he did answer, "I was going to tell you we were at the bottom of the escalator but you wouldn't listen."  
  
----------------------------  
  
Misadventures with Coffee  
  
The bridge crew was upset. Five days in row the automatic coffee vending machine had been broken. And with Shifts as they were, nobody knew who was going to finally break down and bring in a Mr. Coffee. So they decided to alternate days. Shigeru would take Mondays, Maya Tuesdays, Misato Wednesdays, Motoko Thursdays, and Ritsuko would end the week.  
  
Things were fine at first, every morning a fresh pot of Folgers was brewed and the caffeine dependant workers got their fix. After an initial estimate about the price to fix the vending machine was received, Misato ordered Asuka to promptly stomp the repairman's home, office, and car. She was happy to oblige, even got a medal.  
  
So as time wore on the same order still happened but then the coffee wasn't only coffee anymore.  
  
Monday  
  
Misato walked onto the bridge with a severe hangover, 'Didn't think Shinji could drink so much.'  
  
Maya meekly walked over to her, "Um.Major I think something is wrong with Sempai and the others."  
  
"Eh.wha?" she mumbled as she filled her cup.  
  
"Well after Sempai drank her coffee she said she had the 'munchies' and well Motoko has been staring at his hand all morning."  
  
"Ya don't say." Misato took a huge drink.'something tastes familiar.like back in college. oh hell.'  
  
No work was finished that day as Shigeru and Misato started singing Kumbye- ya; Ritsuko ate as many bags of Cheeto's as she could find, and Motoko just giggled as he read his manga.  
  
Tuesday  
  
Maya handed Ritsuko her morning cup of coffee, "I made myself Sempai, my own special blend!"  
  
With a look of horror, "Not like Shigeru's I hope, I can't stand another pot day."  
  
Blushing softly, "No, no, no. It's really good! Try some."  
  
Shrugging it off, 'as long as its not like yesterdays how bad can it be?' She took a sip and ran screaming for the water fountain. Finding a large line techies and Misato standing in line she frowned.  
  
Seeing the pained look on Ritsuko's face, Misato asked, "Maya's coffee?"  
  
"How much chocolate did she put in that stuff? I feel like I need an insulin shot!"  
  
Wednesday  
  
Misato looked at her fellow co-workers sprawled out on the floor. "I thought you'd like a little Zambuca in your coffee!"  
  
Thursday  
  
Nobody was in the mood for coffee.Motoko had a nice French roast but everybody was too leery to try it.  
  
Friday  
  
Misato laughed, "You CAN'T"  
  
"I bet I can," Ritsuko counted.  
  
Intrigued, Motoko asked, "Can't what?"  
  
Smugly, "I bet the good Doctor that she couldn't drink an entire thermos of this coffee in one drink, it's not possible!"  
  
Ever eager to back her Sempai, "I bet she can!" Maya chimed in.  
  
Motoko sided with Misato for obvious reasons.  
  
Fed up with the whole mess Misato slammed her paycheck on a table, "Prove it!"  
  
The stage was set, the bets placed, and the sides were drawn. Misato poured a whole pot of Ritsuko coffee into a thermos and handed it to her.  
  
"You have to drink it ALL.'  
  
With a superior smirk, "I know that, and it will be easy."  
  
Sure enough, the fake blond chugged the entire thermos without even struggling. Shigeru and Motoko had similar thoughts about that idea. Misato looked dumbstruck and finally stormed off to the hangers. Maya beamed with pride.  
  
"How did you do that Sempai? How could you go so long without breathing?"  
  
Wiping the dribble off her chin, "It's easy, I mix LCL in my coffee. It oxygenates my blood directly and tastes great."  
  
All those in ear shot that had a cup before the bet.lost their lunches.  
  
-------------------------------  
  
Philosophy Nyow  
  
The three pilots sat on a grassy noel as they waited to be retrieved. The giant spider like thing had been shot full of holes. After wards, Asuka asked why they hadn't used Raid instead, to which Ritsuko said they didn't have a convenient container. So they sat in the dark and looked at the stars.  
  
In awe of the magnificent view he had, Shinji said, "It's amazing, with the power off the stars look so beautiful."  
  
As a true child of the modern century Asuka replied, "It's creepy, with no power it looks like a dead city."  
  
"Man fears darkness and drives it away with fire," Rei said impassively.  
  
'Smart-ass,' Asuka thought, but to be civil, "Philosopher huh?"  
  
'That ought to keep her quiet,' the red haired pilot thought, but was soon surprised.  
  
"Yes, in attempts to learn about myself I have dwelt many years over tomes of philosophy. I have searched for the concept of souls. Do they truly exist, can they be put in glass jars. Why my sisters don't have one, why? I have sought God, if he exists he is upset with us, and if he doesn't exist what are we doing. I have even sought knowledge of love, that was a quick search, and why Santa doesn't exist," as she looked over at the brown haired pilot. All said in her computer like mono-symbolic voice.  
  
Shinji stood up, walked over to her, pinched himself walked over to Asuka and then kissed her passionately. He was promptly punched in the face. "WHAT MADE YOU DO THAT YOU PERVERT?"  
  
Calmly he responded, "I thought the world was going to end."  
  
-------------------------------  
  
Why Ritsuko isn't trusted to watch the pilots.  
  
Misato was overjoyed, she was going to start working at Nerv, she'd be able to avenge her father's death AND get paid a shit load of money to! Plus she got to meet up with Ritsuko again. She was surprised to see her old college friend working at her new job.  
  
The pair's reunion at the Geo-front was concluded as Ritsuko invited Misato over to her apartment to continue they're talk.  
  
As they walked up the stairs, Misato quirred her friend, "I heard that Nerv uses young kids to pilot those giants, that true?"  
  
Fishing for her keys, "Yeah, speaking of which I have the First child living with me. The Commander was tired of her burning all his Christmas decorations so pawned her off on me."  
  
"Doesn't she have a family?"  
  
Laughing as she unlocked her door, "Don't ask that. It's not that bad either."  
  
Smiling broadly, "I never thought you'd be able to handle children, you seem to.domineering."  
  
"What makes you say that?" the doctor said with a laugh.  
  
Joining her friend's laughter, "I just remember a time you wanted me to put on that cat suit! I swear that thing was forged in hell by Satan's Commander of lewdness!"  
  
Ritsuko paled a bit, "You think?"  
  
As the door swung open Rei greeted the pair, "Akagi-san."  
  
Misato did a double take, in front of her was a 13 year old girl dressed in slinky black leather, with giant cat ears, a flowing black tail that she really didn't want to know were it was connected, and big puffy paws. She fainted dead away.  
  
Looking at her friend, "Is it really that bad? Guess you won't want to see my designs for the new plug suits."  
  
Rei looked at the unconscious pile and said, "Nyow."  
  
---------------------  
  
The Fall 2  
  
Shinji felt good. It was Saturday; he had just gotten back from the arcade, in which he has spent some time with his friends. And by the sound of quiet, he was alone at the apartment. With things as they have been, he was really enjoying the idea of silence.  
  
After dropping his satchel off in his room, he headed to the kitchen to grab himself a snack when he spotted a new ID card. He also spotted a flashing light on the answering machine. He pushed the play button as he headed to the fridge to grab a can of soda.  
  
Misato's voice wafted over the tiny speaker.  
  
-Dear Shinji-kun,  
  
Ritsuko wants you guys in for a sync test. Give Make sure Asuka takes her new ID with her. She's still not talking to me because of the whole 'Nazi' thing. Tests are at five so don't be late.  
  
Love ya guys lots, Ja.-  
  
Now Shinji felt cold, very, very cold. And his soda was now sprayed across the wall. Images of the last time he gave a fellow pilot an ID card assaulted his mind. He tried to fight it but he blushed and smiled all the same. Picking up the card all he could think of was, 'Where the hell IS Asuka?'  
  
Having not heard a sound in the apartment since he arrived he figured, "She's taking a nap, better wake her and tell her bout the test."  
  
Sneaking his way into Asuka's room he found it empty, "Damn it! Why is that girl never around when I need her? I swear I could be on the verge of a mental breakdown and she'd be sleeping!"  
  
As he contemplated leaving her card on her dresser he spotted something. "Her neural connectors? She never takes those things off."  
  
Abstractly he picked them up and looked at them. "Always so superior! Treating me like crap! Well I say." he puts her connectors on his head, "The hell with it."  
  
Setting her card down and talking in a very poor German accent, "Baka- Shinji, blah blah blah! Do this! Do that! Don't act like a wuss! Stop acting like you have a backbone!" Then he stopped, 'That is such a contradiction I don't know were to start.' A sound behind him startled him from his poor imitation of the red head.  
  
Standing behind him was the real thing, and she was not happy. She was not mildly irritated. She was on fire. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"  
  
To his credit all he could say was, "You're wearing a towel?"  
  
Yes the red head was donned only in a towel around her hair and another around her midsection.  
  
Advancing on the boy, "I WAS TAKING A SHOWER NOW TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE DOING?"  
  
Taking a few steps back, and finding himself pressed against the wall, "Making my piece with Kami."  
  
Her advanced slowed, "My headset, were is it?"  
  
"I.don't know?" he asked as he slowly tried to take them off without her noticing.  
  
Spotting his movement and its target, she walked right up to him and made to grab them off his head. Feelings of nostalgia washed over Shinji as he struggled to recline outside of the girl's grasp. Stumbling in his gambit for freedom he hit Asuka's leg sending her toppling over towards him. With her added weight and his already off balance position the pair soon found themselves on the ground.  
  
Asuka was poised right over Shinji and was looking directly into his eye. Her hand was stationed on his chest. After about three seconds, her hand was lifted and repositioned on his face. "Why did you come in my room?" her voice oddly calm.  
  
Mumbling though the girl's fist, "Give you.your ID card."  
  
"I knew it was there, I heard her message," she said again with a calm voice. Shinji turned his face up to look her in the eyes again, and was mystified. She was smiling. "You're getting a bit braver Shin-baka. That lil love-tape was payment for the view."  
  
"Where.my change?"  
  
'He can be to dense sometimes,' her gentle smile turning into a smirk, her knee was then dropped into a rather sensitive area of the boy's anatomy, "there."  
  
In his pain filled haze his mind told him, "Only a punch and a knee.I got a bargain for that view." ---------------------  
  
The reason Ritsuko stopped bringing her cat to work  
  
Ritsuko was in a panic. She had brought her cat to the Geo-front so she could head to the veterinarian after her shift ended, but now she was gone. Stepping into medical she sought her student, Maya.  
  
"Maya, have you seen a black cat anywhere?"  
  
Looking up from her consol, "Your cat Sempai, didn't know you brought it to work."  
  
While she pondered 'how' Maya knew she had a cat, she started crawling on her hands and knees and looking under everything, "I need to take her to the vet so I brought her, and now I can't find her."  
  
"Did you show her to anybody?" Maya's voice filled with a minor fear.  
  
Standing up and dusting herself off, "Misato, at the command deck."  
  
Pouting in only the way Maya can, "Why not go ask HER then."  
  
Missing Maya's irritated attitude as only Ritsuko can, "You're right, thanks Maya."  
  
Heading out of Medical she didn't hear Maya ranting about how Misato doesn't appreciate her enough. Finding the purple haired woman looking at the coffee maker with distrust she walked over to her.  
  
"Misato, have you seen my cat?"  
  
Looking for foreign materials in her mug she shrugged, "I haven't seen Luna since you were going up to Commander Ikari's office."  
  
"The Commander's office, hope she's still there," she mumbled as she ascended the stairs.  
  
Misato turned away from the pot to ask her if the coffee looked a little green to her, but finding only air took the risk and drank the coffee.  
  
Rasping softly on the door to Commander Ikari's office, Ritsuko hoped she'd find her precious black cat Luna. Why was it named Luna? Well when she was a kitten Misato shaved a crescent moon on her forehead and the name stuck.  
  
Getting no reply from inside, she opened the door and walked in. Immediately she felt something was off. The air of the room usually that of a sad depressed madman was replaced with foreboding. She also notice the Commander was in his chair, but she could only see the back of his head as his chair was facing the opposite direction.  
  
"C.Commander Ikari, I hate to bother you right now but." she was cut off.  
  
"Good Evening, Doctor Akagi. Welcome to my.lair," Gendo said as he slowly rotated his chair. On his lap sat a black cat, which he stroked calmly as he turned to face the doctor.  
  
'Am I in a James Bond movie?' the Doctor thought as she approached his desk. "Commander.my cat?"  
  
Looking at the purring lump of fur on his legs, "Mr. Fluffy, the Doctor is here to hear of my plans to rule the world."  
  
"Her name is LUNA!" the astonished woman said in defiance.  
  
Gendo pushed a button on his desk, " Number 2, please come in."  
  
Fuyutsuki walked in, obviously worried about the current events. "Yes Commander?"  
  
"Inform the Doctor that Mr. Fluffy is my friend, not her 'pet.'  
  
Pleading to the man, Kozo begged, "Gendo, snap out of it! We're trying to SAVE mankind not world domination. The cat IS Ritsuko's!"  
  
Raising his pinky to his lip, "Insolence, for that both of you shall die," pushing to button again, "Bring in the radioactive badgers!"  
  
Using her last option, Ritsuko pulled out a small bag of catnip, Luna smelling her favorite drug jumped off the Commander's lap and ran to the Doctor. Almost immediately Gendo clutched his head.  
  
"What happened Kozo?" he asked confused.  
  
"Megalomaniac syndrome. When people in seats of high power find cats, they adopt said cat and begin thinking of plans to rule the world," Ritsuko said as she watched Luna roll around on the herb she put on the ground.  
  
The office doors opened and a Tech entered with a caged animal.  
  
Pointing to the man, "And that is?"  
  
Kozo smiled at Gendo, "Nerv's newest weapon, radioactive badgers."  
  
--------------------  
  
The Bet  
  
The pilots stood behind opaque glass doors. Two of them looked very uncomfortable, and the third was unreadable.  
  
As usual Asuka was the first to speak, "Why do we have to be nude for this test?"  
  
Over the intercom, Ritsuko spoke, "The artificial bodies could be contaminated by the suits, and we need a clear run. Don't worry the camera's have been turned off."  
  
Shinji looked at his feat, he was mortified. 'I'm going to die, as soon as that door opens and I walk out, I'm going to die.'  
  
Rei entered the dialog, "Why is the corridor so long though?"  
  
Misato fielded this question, "To scan your bodies for alien substance."  
  
The doors opened and the walk began. On the bridge, Misato, Ritsuko, Maya, Shigeru, and Motoko were hovering over a view screen.  
  
Maya stated, "Isn't it lying to say we cut the camera feed?"  
  
Misato shook her head, "Have to make sure they don' kill each other. They're all so concerned about been seen like this."  
  
Laughing, "Don't you mean Asuka would kill Shinji for him looking at her?" Motoko said.  
  
Ritsuko said, "I'd be more likely to believe Rei would look at Shinji first."  
  
"Don't you mean Shinji look at Rei first?" Maya asked.  
  
With a smile, Misato set a thousand yen note on the keyboard. (About $100.00) "I bet Shinji looks at Asuka first."  
  
Shigeru added another thousand to the pot, "I agree with Misato."  
  
"I say he looks at Rei first," Maya and Motoko said as they put their money in the pot.  
  
Akagi added her money last, "I say its Rei that looks at Shinji first."  
  
Over the intercom from the Commander's office, Kaji said, "Put me down for Rei looking at BOTH of them."  
  
They all looked at the feed, all three of them were still in their booths, and Ritsuko keyed up the comm. Link, "Either start walking or we use the cattle prods again."  
  
The collective groan signaled the game was on. Maya mumbled, "Guess Asuka is the most mature.nobody bet on her."  
  
"Incorrect," another voiced boomed over the comm., Gendo was making his bet, "The 2nd child will look at the 3rd child first."  
  
The entire staff smiled, 'how stupid is that man?'  
  
All eyes were on the screen. As they watched, those betting that Shinji would look first got pissed. The 3rd child had taken the lead and was walking ahead of the two girls, not looking back. Suddenly, Asuka's head slowly lowered and turned inward. The camera zoomed in and saw the blush on the girl's cheeks.  
  
A collective yell, "ASUKA LOOKED FIRST!"  
  
In his office, Kozo looked at Gendo, "How did you know that the 2nd would look first?"  
  
Taking his trademark position, "Easy. Think of the blood in his veins. Women will be drawn to his innate animal magnetism. Surely a bold person like the 2nd would be attracted so such untamed prowess."  
  
Leaning on the desk, Kaji smiled and said, "Yui must have been a real devil in the sack to give that boy such skills."  
  
Before he could think Kozo said, "You're damn right she was." then he looked mortified.  
  
Gendo looked at this old sensei for about a minute, "Kozo.that was not apart of the schedule." ----------------------  
  
Why does he wear those glasses?  
  
Standing outside his office, Gendo waited patiently. He usually had an abundance of patience, but lately things have been happing to try said patience. First was the Yui-Kozo bombshell, second the impending nuptials of his son to not only one pilot but both. 'Maybe I should lend him Oedipus, either way they'll all be Tang in about two weeks,' and finally the lights in his office died.  
  
The man in charge of fixing his office exited the room. "A circuit breaker has gone out. Going to take a little while to fix. Rigged up a lantern for you."  
  
'A lantern.is this guy that damn stupid?' nodding he went to the door. "That is all."  
  
Before he could enter though, the man stopped him, "Sir, the lights are out, you shouldn't wear your sunglasses in there."  
  
"I will be fine Lt. Hokari," his voice showing none of the anger he felt.  
  
Nodding, "Whatever Sir," and he left.  
  
Stumbling into his office he did curse his need to wear his glasses. He took his seat and turned the lantern up to full blast, "No good, Kami I hate these damn glasses."  
  
From his cage under Gendo's desk, Kozo made his consciousness known, "Maybe you should stop all the drinking and drugs then."  
  
Kicking the cage that contained his old teacher, "Silence you," he took his glasses off and rubbed his bright red eyes, "Don't keep you around for you thoughts."  
  
-------------------  
  
Take me away  
  
Yui Ikari was very, very tired. It wasn't easy to work in a secret government agency, cater to a crazed love struck husband, and care for a child. But she was trying.  
  
And as part of her labor of love for her child, she was sitting in a very uncomfortable suit, her husband's design.  
  
"Sometimes I worry about him," she murmured into the sickening liquid she was sitting in.  
  
'And who made this stuff, I never heard of the need for LCL,' she thought. Shrugging it off as it did sooth her battered nerves she let out a relaxed sigh. "This isn't so bad a test after all."  
  
"Are you ready for the test to begin Yui?" the elder Akagi stated over the link.  
  
"Sure, just promise me if I die, you won't go after my husband," she said jokingly.'did I just hear her cough?"  
  
Turning on the external speakers, "Watch mommy Shin-chan!"  
  
That boy was either destined to break hearts or be killed by his father. 'Never saw a grown man so jealous over a child before."  
  
Flipping a few switches, the test began. The feeling was so relaxing she spoke, "Ah.Calgon.take me away."  
  
As the words escaped her mouth, klaxons began blaring and the entry plug turned red.  
  
Yui's last thought was, "I didn't mean like this." and then she was gone.  
  
-------------------  
  
The Big Fall  
  
Shinji was scared. He was blindfolded and being pushed across the Nerv complex by Misato, and he didn't know why.  
  
"Misato-san, why are you doing this? Why can't I see?"  
  
Still propelling him, "I told you, I couldn't tell you. You'll just have to wait."  
  
So the silent march continued. Misato pushing the blind boy deeper into the bowels of the complex. Finally the pair stopped and the blindfold removed from Shinji's eyes.  
  
Raising an eyebrow, "We're at the Eva hanger, and why is everybody here?"  
  
Shinji was surrounded by almost all the workers of Nerv.  
  
Asuka stepped forward, "This is an intervention Shinji."  
  
"We're here to tell you that you have to stop falling on people," Maya continued.  
  
In defiance, "I don't fall on that many people! Anyway it's an accident."  
  
Nodding softly, Misato countered, "We know, but this isn't Love Hina and we can't allow you to fall on people anymore."  
  
"We have accounts you fell on Rei, Asuka, Misato, all the female level two techs, you're turning are world from being a dramatic sci-fi into a love comedy!" Ritsuko informed.  
  
All assembled sweat dropped not really understanding her. Still in disbelieve Shinji stammered, "What are you going to do.I mean I didn't do anything wrong!"  
  
He stepped toward Misato to plead his case, and thanks to his overly tense condition stumbled and launched himself at Misato, striking his guardian in the chest sent her toppling over into Ritsuko, who fell into Maya, who was very, very happy about it until the combined weight sent her falling into Asuka and Rei, and the domino affect spread until finally Motoko fell onto the release lever for Unit-01, releasing it into the sea of Bakelite.  
  
From his office, Gendo pushed his glasses back up his nose and sighed, "Must have inherited Yui's lack of coordination."  
  
Putting his nail file down, Kozo laughed, "No I think he inherited your bad luck."  
  
"All is NOT going according to plan."  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------  
  
Well that was all of them. Not too much in the way of sense but that was never my intent. My intent was purely to get a chuckle out of you and I hope I did. Lot more silly ideas like those in my head. If I get time and if you liked it, maybe I'll do a sequel.  
  
Hope you liked it.  
  
Now back to msting  
  
Ja Mata  
  
Zentrodie (zentrodie@secondimpact.com) 


	2. More scenes of life

Standard Disclaimer!  
  
Well I thought of a few other odd ideas for lil joke stories. Nothing with any real merit to it but hopefully something you'll laugh at.  
  
Be warned though a few are a bit.off.  
  
Speaking of off WHAT THE HECK IS UP WITH VOX!!! I mean really.  
  
And remember; only one of these has any correlation to previous ones. Most are independent.  
  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Scenes of life 2  
  
If I can't do it, I'll get somebody else to- the set up  
  
Shinji wasn't really enjoying his life. Aside from being a giant robot pilot, which he hated. He lived with two very attractive women. Who didn't seem to care too much about him.  
  
He worked with another really attractive woman.who didn't really seem to know he was alive.  
  
His father.well he hoped one day his father would be out on the training course and he could have a little father-son stomping time.  
  
That always brought a smile to his face. Bloody paste.  
  
However he was tired of life. All the tests.well he had to stop for a moment. Doctor Akagi had him perform some odd tests, and not all were bad. He just questioned them.  
  
Shaking off the creeping feeling of violation he associated with the fake blond he decided he was going to see what death was like.  
  
"But suicide is a mortal sin," he said to himself, being the religious scholar that he was. "So I'll have to get somebody to do the deed for me.If I get somebody mad enough they could do it!"  
  
So Shinji went off to piss the world off so much that it wanted him dead.  
  
-------------------  
  
The Big Switch  
  
"Come on Baka! It'll be funny!" Asuka shouted into her companions face.  
  
Shaking his head with uncertainty, "How can this be fun? It's not even possible!"  
  
"You're just saying that because you're a chicken. Have some guts for once." She stopped, 'He'll never have guts, let's try this again.'  
  
She looked up from her mental debate to find Shinji slowly walking away, "Stop! If you do it I'll.I'll.do your chores for a month."  
  
'Misato is going to cook this week.the dishes themselves would be worth this, I think.'  
  
Asuka saw him fidget, and with Shinji fidget equals victory. "I'll get the contacts."  
  
"Contacts?" he asked, knowing full well that he was doomed to Asuka's joke.  
  
Tossing a Nerv uniform at him, "Yeah, you have different eye colors."  
  
So as Asuka went to get some contacts Shinji changed his cloths. He donned a light brown tech uniform and altered his hair style a tad. When Asuka came back she wasn't happy.  
  
"Baka you forgot the falsies!"  
  
Blushing deep red, "Can't I skip those?"  
  
"Nobody is going to think you're Maya if you don't have breasts you idiot.even if she's the smallest stacked girl at Nerv. And aside from the eyes and breasts.you look JUST like her."  
  
Not waiting for his reply Asuka forcibly put the padded bra on him and rebuttoned his shirt.  
  
"They'll know I'm not her when I talk!" Shinji protested as Asuka helped him apply his colored contacts.  
  
Smiling at her handy work, "That's why you won't talk. I have it all set up. Maya is going to meet me at a park outside of the Geofront to discuss.feminine issues," Asuka had to stop talking at that moment. She was going to regret telling Maya that she needed help with her period but if the joke worked it'd be worth it.  
  
"I'll leave a note on her desk saying she's lost her voice, then you show up and act like her!" She finished proudly.  
  
"How is this funny again?"  
  
"Don't you have a sense of humor? It's pulling the wool over everybody's eyes! The big switch. It'll be a laugh riot, just don't let anybody find out it's you.could get in really big trouble."  
  
'SHIT! SHIT SHIT SHIT' Shinji mentally told himself, he couldn't believe Asuka talked him into this. Well not really talked, she simply made him. Before he could get a word in edgewise.  
  
"So you better stop talking now to get used to it," Asuka told him, more to keep his comments about humor to himself.  
  
So that's how he found himself wearing a female tech uniform, fake breasts, contact lenses, and walking towards the command bridge. His cel phone rang once and went silent signaling Asuka had indeed gotten Maya out of the GeoFront.  
  
'So what does Maya do all day anyway?' he thought as he took what he hoped was her seat at the bridge.  
  
Not knowing what she did, he simply started playing solitary on her computer, oddly enough it had a saved game. He was startled when Ritsuko grabbed him from behind.  
  
"Sorry bout last night, had to deal with the dirty old man again," she added a squeeze to his shoulders.  
  
Shinji turned and looked at the doctor and noticed she had an odd look in her eyes. He handed her the note Asuka gave him and pointed to his throat.  
  
Ritsuko nodded, "I thought you were a little horse the other day."  
  
Shinji didn't quite understand her meaning, at the last sync test Maya sounded fine.  
  
"I have to do some more work on the 'Shinji' project. Could you run Rei's physical? I left the forms in the room."  
  
Nodding meekly Shinji stood up and started walking towards the infirmary, but stopped when Ritsuko said.  
  
"Your butt looks nicer today, been working out?"  
  
Shinji simply blushed and hurried away, leaving a very happy Ritsuko.  
  
Making his way to the infirmary, Shinji was thinking, 'Whats up with that woman? What's this Shinji project? I have to give Ayanami a physical?' Sure enough as he entered the room, Rei was sitting on a table.  
  
"Ibuki-san, you are two point three minutes late."  
  
Releasing a sigh of relief that Rei didn't notice he wasn't really Maya, he pointed to his throat and handed the excuse. She looked it over and handed him the papers she was looking at.  
  
"I should disrobe for these tests correct?"  
  
His eyes shot open and he almost shouted no, but he was trapped in the lie until Asuka deemed it necessary. He scanned the papers for the tests and nearly fainted. 'Maya's a gynecologist?'  
  
He looked up from the paperwork and saw Rei taking her shirt off; quickly he grabbed her hands and shook his head. Rei merely looked at him quizzically. Not knowing what else to do, Shinji put a thermometer in her mouth, wrote down the temperature and dismissed her.  
  
Not sure why her tests were cut short, Rei left with a depressed state of mind. 'I was told that it would have occurred otherwise.'  
  
Looking at all the blank spaces on the forms.Shinji decided to be creative and filled in what he could with his best lies.When the forms were looked at later, he had not only misspelled all the words but had given Rei ailments not seen on earth for over seven centuries.  
  
As he finished his work, Ritsuko walked up behind him again, 'what is up with her hugging Maya so much? They must be really good friends.'  
  
"Got those done finally? Good, we can take off early. I'm in the mood for some food and drinking, and maybe a little." she trailed off.  
  
Feeling his stomach rumble Shinji relented, if anything this joke could get him some good food. He just wondered how Asuka was faring keeping Maya away.  
  
Thirty minutes later, Shinji and Ritsuko were walking into one of the fancier restaurants in Tokyo-3. 'I hope she's paying.'  
  
Flashing her badge to the garcon, the two were given a rather spacious table.  
  
"I love abusing my power from Nerv. And to think they'll be paying for this too," Ritsuko said over her menu.  
  
Shinji was getting really nervous. He prayed Ritsuko wouldn't see through his disguise. Being so close to her, and being himself, he was sure he'd be found out soon.  
  
When the waiter showed up, Ritsuko ordered for the pair, stating that her friend couldn't speak.  
  
What followed next was a blur for the boy. The food arrived, as did the drink. Which he didn't know was very alcoholic. Drinking his drink and eating his food, his mind fogged over. Suddenly their was nothingness.  
  
He opened his eyes and was looking up at the ceiling, and surrounded by blankets. "Thank Kami, it was all a dream."  
  
Turning on his side to catch a few more minutes of sleep he pressed his hand into something firm and soft.that moaned.  
  
He froze, his heart seemed to go into fight or flight mode. Ritsuko sat up in her bed and looked down. "Morning Tiger."  
  
"Tiger! Did we.did I.you know.." He mumbled.  
  
Smiling and drawing lazy circles on what he discovered was his bear chest, "We did, you're quite the man Shinji, and I found out rather to my surprise last night."  
  
"I don't believe it." he said softly, mentally screaming, "I'm going to kill you Asuka!"  
  
"Shall I remind you?"  
  
Shinji well.no need to go into further detail  
  
------------------  
  
If I can't do it, I'll get somebody else to- Asuka  
  
Not wanting to draw out death, Shinji decided the surest source of his demise. His younger room-mate.  
  
Finding Asuka on the couch watching television, Shinji sat down right next to her.  
  
"Watch it Baka, I'm not in the mood for you're perversion."  
  
Almost muttering an apology and leaving, Shinji remembered WHY he was there. He grabbed the remote from her hand and turned off the television. He was going to piss her off by Kami.  
  
Turning slowly to look at him, "You better have a good reason for that third child."  
  
Putting his hands on her cheeks Shinji kissed her deeply. Finding she didn't resist his actions for long, but he wasn't actually thinking with his lower head, this was a means to an end. He withdrew and saw Asuka's eyes were sealed shut and her mouth still in its last position.  
  
"I'll never do that again. You disgust me!"  
  
Hearing Shinji speak shocked Asuka out of her dream world. "Wha..?"  
  
He had been saving this speech for awhile, "I thought I liked you, but all you do is bitch, and preach, and contradict yourself. I'm never what you want at the time you ask for it. You hurt everybody, including yourself. You're selfish, perverse, and lazy. Your damn pride is going to kill you!"  
  
Shinji stopped and waited. 'After saying all that she'll go into a rage and kill me! Throw me off the balcony or something!'  
  
Asuka stared at him blankly. 'He just told me.how dare he.but.' She stopped her murderous intent and thought.'He's right!' Tears started to form in her eyes and she ran from the room bawling.  
  
Shinji stared at the space she had occupied and said, "Well son-of-a- bitch."  
  
--------------------  
  
We have laws against that kind of thing  
  
Gendo sat in his office and looked over several files. He had to choose which of the three people in said files he would hire for the new tech position.  
  
Kozo stepped over next to him. "The model for the new uniform is here."  
  
Raising his hands to his chin in his trademark position, "Lets see it."  
  
Handing the man a few photos, "I don' think they'll go over well."  
  
"I'll be the judge of that, have Major Katsuragi be the test subject, and send in the hopefuls."  
  
Dismissing himself, Kozo left the office and told the three people standing outside the door to enter.  
  
Gendo smiled as he saw the fresh meat enter his office. 'It's good to be the king,' he thought.  
  
Directing his attention to the first person, "Step forward."  
  
A fairly tall man stepped under a light column in front of the big G's desk.  
  
'Not a chance,' He thought as he looked at the man. "Next."  
  
Dejected the man left the office; this had been his 99th interview.  
  
Gendo dismissed the following man just as quickly.  
  
The third applicant walked into the light column. Gendo stopped. Before him was a very attractive woman. Slightly shorter than himself he noted, long teal hair, wearing a red bandanna.  
  
"State your name."  
  
"Kiyone Makibi," the woman stated.  
  
Smirking behind his clenched hands, "You're last position?"  
  
'The pig would use that term,' the woman thought, "Secretary."  
  
'Excellent,' he thought. "You do know that if you're hired, you will be required to work late."  
  
"Yes sir, I was aware of that."  
  
Smiling outwardly, "You're hired."  
  
Suddenly the woman started to laugh, "Gendo Ikari, you are under arrest for sexual harassment and descrimation. Of the two thousand employees at Nerv, you have only 5 male employees!"  
  
"What?" he shouted.  
  
"The GP have had our eyes on you for some time, and I'm here to arrest you."  
  
"DAMMIT!"  
  
Outside his office Misato stared at the piece of cloth given to her, "I am not wearing leggings and rabbit ears to work, to hell with this place."  
  
-----------------------  
  
If I can't do it, I'll get somebody else to- Misato  
  
After his failure with Asuka, Shinji altered his sights. He was still puzzled why Asuka hadn't killed him. "Why did she start crying?"  
  
Feeling bad about making her cry, Shinji set about his next task, trying to think of a way to get Misato mad enough to kill him.  
  
'I know! Her beer is her weakness, so I can just."  
  
Two hours of opening and pouring later.and a mountain of aluminum, Misato arrived at the apartment from work.  
  
'Kami-sama I need a beer,' she thought as she headed to the fridge. Finding Shinji sitting at the table with an odd look on his face, she offered a quick 'hi' as she opened the door.  
  
"WHAT THE!!!"  
  
'YATTA!' the boy thought as he saw the reaction he had hoped for, ' now to push her over the side.'  
  
"I poured it all down the drain, all of it."  
  
Seeing red, Misato was livid, 'I'm going to kill him! It cost me a fortune to get that much beer!' Trying to calm her a bit, "Why did you do that?"  
  
"Because I wanted to, you disgust me."  
  
Grabbing the boy by the collar, "Is that so.would you mind elaborating Shinji-same?"  
  
'This is going perfectly, only one thing left to do.' he smiled as he spoke, "Look at you. How old are you and you need ME to care for you? I mean 'I'M' younger physically than you but older emotionally! Don't you think you should grow up a bit?"  
  
He stopped a moment to assure Misato was taking in his verbal barbs. She was her eyes narrowed and veins started to appear on her head, he pressed on.  
  
Pointing to her stomach, "And what's this? When I moved in you were gorgeous! Now you have a beer belly, smell like booze, and probably have no liver left. You'll be lucky to live for another two years regardless of the angels!"  
  
She dropped him; he had struck a major cord, 'He's right, I'm killing myself! He.he did this because he cares about me! Oh Shinji-kun I'm so sorry!'  
  
Again Shinji was shocked when he saw the hopefully murderer start crying and run from the room.  
  
"SON OF A BITCH!"  
  
--------------------  
  
What happened to.  
  
Walking home from school one day, Asuka was thinking, 'Here I am savior of Tokyo-3, and what do I have to show for it?'  
  
She stopped walking, "Tokyo-3.what a dumb name. Why name a city Tokyo-3."  
  
It stayed on her mind as she walked home, 'I understand why they'd name a city Tokyo. But Tokyo was destroyed during 2nd impact.'  
  
Walking into her apartment she was still obsessed with the idea, finding Shinji watching television, "Hey baka."  
  
On hearing his loving title he turned his head, "Yeah Asuka?"  
  
"What happened to Tokyo-2?"  
  
"Tokyo-2?"  
  
Growing frustrated at his lack of understanding, "Yeah, we live in Tokyo-3, Tokyo was destroyed, so what happened to Tokyo-2?"  
  
Sitting formally, Shinji was perplexed, 'What DID happen to Tokyo-2?'  
  
"Don't know, maybe Misato knows."  
  
So the pair headed to Misato's room, finding it empty they headed to Nerv. As they walked they asked everybody they found along the way. Nobody knew. Those they asked followed them in the pursuit of the answer.  
  
Shinji was the one to ask Misato, "Misato-san why is this city called Tokyo- 3, what happened to Tokyo-2?"  
  
Misato being the bastion of knowledge she was, quickly looked away, claimed she was busy and said to ask Ritsuko. 'How the hell am I supposed to know that?'  
  
By now the group was getting worried, why hadn't anybody thought of this before? Why didn't anybody know? Where was that smell coming from? Could you make Pen-Pen dance for fish? How did I get off track?  
  
In the end, after an long chase, Asuka corned Ritsuko in the infirmary and asked politely, which means she only held one scalpel to her neck. "What happened to Tokyo-2?"  
  
Knowing she had no way to escape the question, Ritsuko blushed, "It was the week before Unit-00 was completed."  
  
The crowd hushed, finally the answer.  
  
"Godzilla attacked. We didn't have the technology to take him out without N2'ing the city to rubble. So we rebuilt it."  
  
As all the Japanese people seem to accept that answer Asuka paled, "GODZILLA IS REAL!!!"  
  
---------------------  
  
If I can't do it, I'll get somebody else to- Rei  
  
Now fully perplexed as to why he couldn't piss people off, Shinji left his apartment. That and he couldn't stand listening to Misato crying. 'I didn't want to make her cry.just kill me.'  
  
Finding his sources of potential 'helpers' dwindling he headed to Nerv. "Who could I get angry enough to do this?"  
  
As he took the escalator to the ground floor, a memory of Rei slapping him entered his mind. "I know she can get mad, but mad enough to kill?"  
  
With nothing else to do, he sought out Rei, "At least she won't cry."  
  
He found the blue haired girl staring at a vending machine.  
  
"Rei, what are you doing?"  
  
"Questioning humanities enslavement of machines for personal use," she replied.  
  
Resisting the urge to scream and run away right there, he thought of what to say.  
  
"Can I say something to you?"  
  
"You just have."  
  
Now he had to try to resist the urge to kill her, 'Why must she make talking to her so hard.THAT'S IT!'  
  
"You really are a doll aren't you?"  
  
'Ikari-kun.called me a doll? Of all people he was the only one not to.the insolence.' her mind was growing dark.  
  
"I mean, you listen to my father! My father who treats you like a wrench! A tool! Putting you in a dirty little toolbox he calls an apartment. You never try to get to know people, just talking when talked to, like the pull a string!"  
  
Shinji had no idea whether his words had any affect as Rei remained impassive.  
  
"I can understand being shy but you don't try! If you did you may actually enjoy life but I bed 'the commander' doesn't WANT you to be happy so why question HIM. Not like he hasn't done anything WRONG.wait he ABANDONDED his own son."  
  
Shinji stopped when a tear threatened to escape Rei's eyes. "Jesus tap dancing Christ not her too!"  
  
Rei lightly touched Shinji's cheek, "You are right, I have blinded myself with logic. Thank you for showing me the err of my ways. May we continue this conversation after I have regained my composure?"  
  
As Rei walked away from him, he simply muttered, "What is wrong with these people."  
  
----------------------  
  
Turn about Fair Play  
  
Rei was confused. During her stay at school that day, something odd had happened. "Ikari-kun asked me to a ramen stand. Is that what is called as a date?"  
  
She didn't understand but she wished to. She slowly took off her plugsuit and changed back into her normal cloths. She took a look through the screen partition and saw Shinji. "I'll ask him now."  
  
Adjusting the bow on her uniform, she crossed over to the other side. As she walked over, she saw Shinji turn red and press himself against the lockers.  
  
"Ikari-kun, may we talk?"  
  
"REI! Um..could you.what are you." Shinji muttered as he turned bright red.  
  
Unthawed by his comments, she continued to press her advance not noticing a bar of soap on the ground.  
  
The next few seconds were fairly comical as Rei slid on the soap and collided with Shinji. Landing on top of him.  
  
She peered deeply into his blue eyes and wondered why his face was so red.and what that thing in her hand was. 'Interesting, it is warm to the touch.is it expanding?'  
  
"Please get off me.and don't touch that." Shinji muttered very quietly as he stared up at her.  
  
Not understanding Rei didn't more, nor let go. "What do you mean?"  
  
Slowly looking at Rei's hand, "That.what you have your hand on.let go.please get off me.please?"  
  
Rei followed his eyes and blushed soflty, "I have never saw one of those before.interesting."  
  
By now Shinji had decided not do remain conscious and went to his nice happy place far away from people.  
  
The next day, Rei was again confused as to why Misato had ordered her not to go into the male changing area while Shinji was nude.  
  
"He saw me nude last week, what is the harm in this?"  
  
-------------------------  
  
What REALLY happened between Gendo and Rei during EoE  
  
Gendo was furious. "Those bastards are attacking us!"  
  
He was escorting Rei into the bowels of the GeoFront. 'I can't let them hurt my Rei-chan. She's almost like my daughter!'  
  
Rei III was typically oblivious to the situation as she was dragged by him. As they walked, Rei thought, and tried to remember things past. She had seen that boy, Shinji, a few days ago and it had stirred something in her.  
  
As they entered a large open area, she stopped, "I remember."  
  
"Great you remember, we have to get to a shelter, you can tell me later.wait.you remember?"  
  
Rei nodded, "I remember something that happened between Shinji and myself."  
  
'Shinji! That bastard son of mine! The boy that gets all the tail that should be MINE!' Shaking his head, "Tell me."  
  
"No, it would be easier to show you," The girl said.  
  
Gendo got a creeping feeling, "Ok, show me...WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"  
  
Rei stopped talking her blouse off, "I was like this."  
  
A now feeling of rage began to fill him, 'what did he do that involved her be naked.'  
  
He froze when Rei placed his hand over her left breast, "You have got to be kidding me.my son did that!"  
  
"In a sense, but we were lying down."  
  
'I'm going to kill him.I'm going to take this hand and.this hand.' he looked at his hand, then at Rei, then at his hand, "OH MY KAMI WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY HAND?!?!"  
  
-------------------  
  
If I can't do it, I'll get somebody else to- Bridge Bunnies  
  
Walking away from his disastrous encounter with Rei, Shinji headed towards the bridge.  
  
"Who would have suspected Ayanami would react like THAT?" he said to myself as he saw his next target. If he couldn't get one person to do it, maybe he could get three angry enough to do it.  
  
However his attempts at pissing off people wasn't really working and it was only increasing his depression. 'I try to piss people off and I only make them sad, or in Rei's case confused.'  
  
Looking around at the empty bridge, Shinji set into his next bout of anger management. It took him nearly an hour, but oddly enough nobody was on the bridge, came to the bridge, or even cleaned it, save Smitty*. But Smitty was always there. (Just a cameo from VoaT)  
  
Maya was first to arrive. As she approached her terminal Shinji sat in the chair next to hers. Maya welcomed him and turned her computer on.and stopped.  
  
"Hello Kitty" danced on her screen, behind the giant cats head were the words "I LOVE HELLO KITTY." Maya looked dumbly at the screen, then at the text document that was on the task bar.  
  
"What's that?" her voice holding no discernable emotion.  
  
"The thing I charged to your Nevr credit card," Shinji responded, 'its just so sick and wrong she'll get pissed! Then add up what I did to those other guys.'  
  
Maya clicked the button and her eyes dilated, "Oh my KAMI! It's the "Hello Kitty" Massager! How did you know!"  
  
(FYI that thing DOES exist.evil vile thing that is is. I mean WHY make such a thing?)  
  
Face faulting at the unexpected result, "You mean you actually WANT that?"  
  
Blushing softly, "It's the only thing missing from my collection, and I love what you did to my console. It was so drab before," she finishes by giving the boy a quick peck on the cheek.  
  
As the other two walked in, one happily playing the guitar Shinji thought he defaced, and the other ogling the pictures Shinji had cut from the manga left at the desk, he ran crying from the room.  
  
"That kid is really nice, you know that?" Mokoto said.  
  
The others agreed, "Such a nice boy."  
  
-------------------  
  
What were you really Thinking?  
  
Misato just heard the rumors, Ritsuko had seduced Shinji, HER Shinji. So of course, she was hunting the blond down with violent intent.  
  
Barging into Ritsuko's office, "What the hell is this that I heard about you and Shinji! Why was he at your apartment! And why the woman's uniform!"  
  
Expecting her friends rage, Ritsuko sat behind two panes of bullet proof glass that she just had installed. Over the intercom she just set up herself. "It was a joke Asuka came up with."  
  
Firing two shots to test how bullet resistant the glass was, "Do tell."  
  
"Well she dressed Shinji up and passed him off as Maya, we went on a date."  
  
"Wait! You and Shinji or you and Maya?" Misato asked while scratching her head.  
  
Blushing lightly, "I thought it was Maya but it was really Shinji."  
  
"You date Maya? That's odd."  
  
Lowering the glass, "No, what is odd is your albino penguin that steals pens to color its feathers."  
  
To that Misato laughed, "They still don't know why I call him Pen-Pen, or why they can't find their pens. Go on."  
  
"Well after dinner and drinks one thing led to another and.I found out Shinji's quite the man, more so than Kaji."  
  
"WHAT!?!?!"  
  
"Oh, what part didn't you want to know? Former or later."  
  
Feeling the rage build again, but not at her friend, "Both actually."  
  
As images of shooting Kaji entered Misato's mind, Ritsuko continued, "Well I'm sure its nothing you haven't seen."  
  
Off handed, "Yeah, first day he moved in."  
  
Now it was Ritsuko's turn to get upset, "You said you weren't going to put the moves on him!"  
  
"I didn't!"  
  
"So he just walked out nude for no reason?"  
  
Nodding lightly, "Kinda."  
  
Sneering at the purple haired woman, "I knew you were sick."  
  
Accosted, "I'm sick? You're the one that.that..so how was it?"  
  
Handing a few papers to Misato, Misato looked up questioningly, "You scheduled more sync tests? How does that answer my question?"  
  
"Private sync tests.I decided to join you side."  
  
"My side?"  
  
"Well he is emotionally older than Kaji, just have to wait for his body to catch up."  
  
"You're sick."  
  
"Didn't we go over this before, I'm not sick, I just have particular tastes," Ritsuko informed her. "And admit it, you had eyes for him the moment you saw him."  
  
Misato only blushed and sighed, praying no government agency was listening.  
  
Taking her silence as key, "I knew that's what you were thinking when you took him in."  
  
Misato scowled, "At least I didn't check him out after that LCL incident!"  
  
Raising her voice, "You didn't have too! You were holding him!"  
  
"Bitch I was worried. I wasn't looking at his."  
  
"I saw you eyes! You were sizing him up like a suit!"  
  
In his new office, Kozo smiled, "Having Gendo arrested was the best thing. Now I can watch the fight. Maybe I should have those two checked for pedophilia."  
  
----------------  
  
What To Do With Multiple Rei's  
  
Smitty wasn't paid to understand science, nor was he skilled in the technical arts. He was a janitor. A good one too, so when he saw a switch that said "Master Dump" he assumed it was the garbage release lever. So he pushed it and went home happy.  
  
As he left the room, dozen's of eyes opened. They were Rei, and they had a date with Shinji for some ramen.  
  
In her apartment, Rei sneezed. She just arrived home from syncing with the dummy plug and wondered if she had gotten a cold. She'd sleep it off.  
  
Waking in the morning she realized something was amiss when she saw twenty copies of herself looking at her.  
  
"Morning," the Rei on the bed said.  
  
They others replied in one voice, "Morning."  
  
"I guess we need to prioritize and set up a caste system."  
  
Again the others agreed, they were of one mind, but that was soon to change.  
  
Later at school, the school Rei walked to class, she found Shinji sleeping at on his desk.  
  
"Ikari-kun?"  
  
"Oh Ayanami, sorry. Just tired, had that whole Jet-Alone thing."  
  
Remembering what Nerv Rei had told her, "Understood, are we still to eat today?"  
  
A light crimson crossing his face, "If you still want to."  
  
"Affirmative, be at my dwelling at 6 pm," that said she actually left school and returned to the conference.  
  
She walked into the apartment building and walked to room 406, new dwelling of Eva Rei. She knocked on the door, Eva Rei opened the door.  
  
School Rei tagged Eva Rei's hand, "You're up."  
  
So being tagged in, Eva Rei went to her sync test. Shortly to be followed by the Revenge Rei's.  
  
The five Rei's that wished revenge against Ritsuko Akagi found her at Nerv.  
  
Ritsuko wasn't having the best day. She had just spent two hours with a shrink who told her its ok to have young friends but you really shouldn't try to seduce them. She just put Rei in her test plug when she saw Rei walking past her.  
  
"The hell?"  
  
She followed her, rounded the corner and saw.Rei behind her. "Ok."  
  
Wondering how Rei got out of the plug, walked down the hall, vanished, and ended up behind her, she followed the new Rei. Ritsuko was soon perplexed, no matter where she went, Rei showed up behind her. Always behind her. 'WHAT IS GOING ON??? I'm going crazy!'  
  
Running like a woman possessed, Ritsuko decided to take some well deserved time off.  
  
The revenge Rei's clapped hands and returned to the apartment, their date with Shinji was coming up and they had to plan.  
  
After a short 20 person battle, they came to the consessus that fighting Rei would take the role as head spokesperson regarding Shinji. So when he arrived at Six, she was the one to go out to eat.  
  
Two hours passed and when they came back, Fighting Rei stopped.  
  
"Could you wait here second?"  
  
Shinji said he would, he was really enjoying himself, he hoped that when the new pilot arrived, she'd be a fun to hang out with as Rei was now.  
  
Walking into the room, Fighting Rei addressed the assembly, "We have confirmation. Seduction Rei, Cat-Eared Rei, your up."  
  
"Nyow," Said cat-eared Rei, while Seduction Rei smiled well.seductively and they approached the door.  
  
Shinji never knew what hit him.  
  
---------------  
  
If I can't do it, I'll get somebody else to- Gendo  
  
"That's it! I'm going for the sure fire win here!" the now raginly pissed off Shinji said as he crossed the threshold of his fathers office. 'Why didn't I think of this before? Fater kills people for serving him cold coffee!"  
  
Kicking the door open, Shinji entered, "FATHER!"  
  
In surprise, Gendo dove over his Eva action figures, throwing them in a drawer. "What is it pilot?"  
  
"I have something to say to you."  
  
'It better not be about me playing with dolls,' Gendo thought as he eyed his son, "Go on."  
  
Smiling, he had so been waiting for his, "You are a miserable man. You make these asinine plans for humanity, but have you ever stopped to think about whether you should? You're a cold hearted asshole that has the whole world hating you. You warped Rei, killed people, abandoned me, what would mom think? Have you stopped to think about that? No matter what you do who you kill what you destroy, she won't come back and if she did, she wouldn't be happy with you."  
  
Gendo all but shot over to his son, Shinji looked up at his father, hope in his eyes. Gendo well Gendo took off his glasses and kneeled down by his son.  
  
Shinji nearly had a heart attack when Gendo hugged him, "I'm so proud of you boy! I always thought you were a pansy! But now.now you're a real man! I'm so proud of you!"  
  
Shinji just accepted it, nobody would kill him.  
  
As he walked out of the office, his father still crying tears of joy, he saw everybody he had attacked that day. They had a banner hanging over the terminals.  
  
Asuka kissed his cheek, "Thanks for the eye opener."  
  
Misato followed next doing the same.  
  
Rei smiled at him, Maya winked, and Shinji thought, 'All these people needed was somebody to just tell them off to make them happy? What the hell this? Ah to hell with it, maybe living is pretty good too.maybe it is pretty good.'  
  
He smiled and joined the others at the "Shinji celebration" party.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------  
  
Well that was all for this one, bit longer than the other and a bit more racy. Sorry if that's not you cup of tea, mine's Green tea or nothing ^_^  
  
I didn't have a grammer check as this story isn't really a story but a way of neglecting my other stories for a lil while.  
  
Still have fallible to write. Out of Disaster Msts msts and more msts.^_^  
  
Hope you laughed at least once during this whole thing, and I hope to get some feed back. That always makes ME smile  
  
As always  
  
Ja Mata  
  
Zentrodie (zentrodie@secondimpact.com www.darkscribes.org ) 


End file.
